yeah … i am back to Singapore!
hmm … have been slacking and watching drama!
oh men… how to cultivate the discipline i once had again …
waking at 6 or 7 to pray,
sleeping early … :(
throughout the 14 days in HK,
i learn many things…
i learn to hear more accurately from God,
since i had no idea most of the time where am i,
what should i do next…
in Macua especially,
when i had no map,
no idea where should i go,
no schedule to follow,
i just took a bus and start my journey …
and stop at any stop that interest me …
but most of the time, i learn to relax
i learn to find peace among busy-ness
i learn to appreciate the world better
and most of all,
i got to spend hours alone,
without any schedule,
just do anything that come into my mind…
when Songs about God is the God of the whole earth …
to a girl living most of her 23 years in Singapore,
it is really hard to imagine …
but in HK,
looking at the high mountain,
the beach,
the beautiful scenery,
i got a taste that indeed my God is soooo almighty,
soooo big,
so powerful ….
at that moment,
i felt so small …
so insignificant…
so unworthy for all the things that He had done for me…
so grateful at the same time that i am alive…
8 years ago,
when my world came crashing,
with the departure of my mum, and my dad living me behind,
i felt like my days are near…
i remember the years when i was in deep depression…
when i would smile in the day,
cry to sleep every night,
gasping for air when my asthma attack,
when i cry out to no one in particular for help…
when i wrote those dark and helpless letters to no one in particular…
when i would think that dying is the only way to solve my loneliness…
when i live each day by each day, waiting for time to pass …
there came my friend Mr J…
He came and told me that i am not alone,
He told me that he had seen the tears i shed for nights after night
He told me that he had seen me walking the lonely path back home from train station
thinking of nothing…
He told me that he is waiting for me …
from that day onwards,
i know i have a purpose
i know i can dream dreams,
i learnt that there is still another person that i can live my life for …
and at HK, looking at the sky,
i felt so grateful …
that i got a second chance to live again,
if not for Him, i might not have live long …
if not for Him, i might be some where a sales girl after my o level…
if not for Him, i would not be who i am today …
there i told God,
i got this second chance to live again because of Him,
and i would live for Him …
if not for Him, i would not have dream
if not for Him, i would not want to live on earth for another second…
all i want is really be so close to Him and live my live purpose out for Him …
i don’t care what status i have,
what degree, what fame …
all i care is at the age of 16, if not for Him,
i would really have perish …
today i met a weird woman on the train …
and …………….
i feel so bad !!!!
initially i took a seat beside this weird woman …
suddenly she shouted at me …
asking me if i steal her safety pin …
i feel so pissed off …
okay … please pardon me …
due to my sickness and tiredness…
okay no excuse right…
but still … i feel so bad …
cos when she keep shouting at me…
i actually whisper “crazy”…
well … knowing that she is a bit different…
i actually yield to my flesh and made such a bad comment!
FORGIVE ME LORD!
PRAISE GOD that i will be traveling to HK for 2 wks !
i am preparing for my ALONE trip to hong kong …
accommodation and air ticket is sponsor!
and i will be on my way to be alone in a far away place!
yup … i SUPER look forward to it!
the time when i can travel alone …
i can spend time
thinking…
traveling …
exploring
admiring the beauty of nature and what is normal…
well …
some said
“you are so crazy! going alone for so many days?”
“there is nth to explore in HK for 14 days!”
but i am not there to shop …
i am there to experience life of another culture!
well … i am really not those who like to shop …
in fact i dun really enjoy shopping for the sake of shopping…
i like to look at things slowly …
and shop at my own pace…
and of course from my beloved family:
my brother was(and is) complaining that it is far too dangerous…
but i told him … don’t worry … nth could happen to your sister…
she is not number beauty girl, neither a rich looking girl…
then my sister was (and is) trying to think of ways to keep me in check…
but of course i am not going to bring the stupid phone or lappy over …
hey its gonna be 2 weeks without anyone to interpret men!
and …
of course i am not going to truthfully tell my sister and brother
what i have planned …
not the late nights entertainment i am going to explore …
and definitely not the late night places that i plan to go …
yes! just like my mother …
at the age of almost 50 she actually went to try water skiing …
she travel to many places …
and she the crazy mom …
did so many things that were so crazy …
influence by by crazy yet happening mom…
i cannot help it but having her genes…
i will not have any regrets in life …
cos i hate to say thing like “if only i know i would …”
no matter what happen, i learn that its a lesson and life continues!
God is good …
Take it a trip that i travel with my Almighty God …
gotta find a church men … missing two weeks of service…
whee…
a time for self reflection,
a time for being alone …
a time for being a stranger in a far away place…
a time for looking at things at a different perspective…
hopefully during the trip,
i will draw closer to God,
learn to appreciate life even more,
and of course,
come back refreshed and ready for the next battlement!
and i am stepping on my trip on 9june!
i am going to sleep soon …
but just remembered that i had a blog …
so here i am ….
BLOGGING!
yup yup … fall sick …
and it is horrible …
COUGH AND FLAME…
i hate both …
because normally i will have asthma attack follow after …
and it felt horrible to have asthma attack …
when u cough till you cannot sleep …
and you cannot even breath properly …
i will tell God that i rather die than to suffer like that …
oh men …
YES! it is that bad … i cannot function properly …
and my bible will be always by my pillow …
to comfort me and give me peace
to help me breath properly and slowly…
to accompany me till i finally can breath properly and go to sleep…
Thank God that for the past one to two years,
i haven had any major asthma attack …
yup … and now i am getting back to my good habit of sleeping before 11.30…
and waking up at 7-8am …
whee….
God give me good rest!
i saw my dad on the tv…
well … surprise? happy? sad?
not really …
anyway for those wondering
what is the big deal i see my dad on tv …
i have not seen him for good 10 years!
i almost forgot he even existed …
normally when people ask me about my parents,
i will just say both pass away …
technically yes …
mummy gone to heaven,
and dad on the same day die in my heart.
well… not that i hate him so much,
just that i am too lazy to explain …
anyway …
how do i feel ?
i feel nervous when i saw him on tv …
i dun know how should i even respond…
at the very second,
i ask God how should i respond?
act as if he is a stranger?
hate him for living a good life, forgetting about me?
has he even remember he got a daughter?
i don’t know how should i respond,
so i did what i am good at …
run away from the fact…
clear it immediately from my mind
and focus on my studies …
there are times when i wonder
do i still hate him?
can i forgive him?
on Sunday i got my answer …
looking at what step munsey preached …
i realize … i should let go …
i dun care whether he still remembers he got a daughter
i dun care whether he even thinks of me …
well … but i did ask God, can someone forgets totally that he got a daughter?
or he had clear me totally from his head, his memory ?
well … i see others father abandon the family ..
but they will always remember they had daughters, but not mine …
well …
i close my eye,
i told God,
help me to let go …
help me to forget …
help me to forgive …
tears stream down my eyes …
i know God did sth in my heart …
whee whee…
i am revived!
after all the exams
and
all the semester discipline!
for the longest time,
i have ever study …
these two study weeks,
i was really mugging in the library non-stop…
this week is really one that i enjoy!
although i still have many tuitions to give…
heehee..
to think about it ..
i am satisfied with my previous semester!
why?
i had always been sleeping early before 12.
waking up early to pray and read my bible …
try my very best to do my work with excellence …
living a healthy life style …
losing 5 kg …
yeah …
of course and growing more in love with my family …
and growing to become a better person …
well…
i am still searching for my “calling”
it seems like everyone knows what they are called to do ..
except me :(
hahaa…
well … still searching …
but i totally enjoy my life right now!
studying seems like a very mundane thing …
but i totally enjoy being a student,
enjoying the student privilege!
enjoying the times i can really mug …
u will not believe it…
sitting at the library is one precious moment
i hope i will not forget …
i know i know … hahaaa..
i am just another crazy weird person…
but i seriously
want to enjoy every moment of my life …
the big ones, the small ones,
the happy one, the not so happy one…
and that is the reason,
why i always am so excited about everything in my life…
its a 3 month holidays again!!!!
well … still waiting for my internship to be confirmed…
else got to find a part time job …
its okay!
ALL THINGS WORK FOR THE GOOD FOR THOSE WHO LOVE HIM
i trust in HIM!
for the longest time ever … i forgot when did i last blog men …
it was when my friend talk about blogging,
there and then i remember i got a blog ….
Exams are around the corner…
and so are tuitions …
my kids’ exams are also around the corner …
that is the very bad part of being a tutor…
well … i look forward to Ching Ching every tuition …
what kind of immoral motivation huh…
well … after giving 7 years of tuitions …
that is really what motivate me when i feel least like going…
talking of tuitions,
one day i was on the train, and its kinda getting really bored ..
so upon looking at the MRT line,
i realize i had run half of Singapore to give tuition …
Furthest …
- Boon lay
- Bukit Batok
- Bukit Gombak
- Chua Chu Kang
- Marsling
- Woodlands
- Admiralty
- Sembawang
- Yio Chu Kang
- Kovan
wow …
From the west – north-east …
Sometime i really think tat i am so crazy …
why on earth i teach so long, i still haven save up enough …
hai … God give me wisdom on money management!
